Deep phychological epiphany.

I've been thinking the past few days. I'm stuck in a vicious circle. See, the thing is, everyone thinks I'm a shallow, cold-hearted b*tch, and I don't blame them. I act tough, and cold, and shallow as the baby pool at the swimming baths. I act like that, and people expect me to be tough, so expect that I can take a load of crap. When I can't. And I don't want to anymore. I have nothing to prove. So when someone doesn't expect me to be tough, or actually gives me chance to be deeper, they're surprised that I'm actually pretty deep and a good people 'reader'. I don't judge people if they don't judge me, so most of the people I'm friends with are pretty open minded. So, this person, I get pretty close, to, because I just want a guy best friend who like acoustic punk music and a bit of metal, not a boyfriend. But I do want a boyfriend, but I really want a guy best friend. So then they start flirting with me, I get scared because I don't know what to do, so I push them away. And close myself off. But, when they close themselves off from me, I get scared, and worry. I've never been closed off from before, so I guess this is ironic karma getting it's own back. So I don't know what to do. Because I like this guy so much. Yeah. He's funny, and makes me laugh. But I didn't like him like that, until he pushed me away. And now I really like him. It's killing me. It's killing me.