Jeez. I feel like a cliche. Seriously. But when I was listening to Paramore's Hallalujah, I suddenly realised what I felt. Even though I didn't know who. Yeah. I am not in love, I don't think, more of a need. I need someone, and I don't even know who. I need someone to... I don't even know what. I'm longing for something I don't even know. The closest thing I can think of is... the feeling of redemtion. The feeling that I have been forgive, and that someone sees me for me, rather than the me I project. I guess, someone who sees below the surface. That is the closest I can verbalise. Words can't describe it, but I know what I mean. Its like... my soul, if you believe in such things, is longing more something it cannot verbalise, cannot describe, for someone who will see it as it is rather than the mask it wears. And, I have felt this for... 2 weeks, although I felt a shift in my soul for almost a year. Odd. But, here is where I go into hypothetical. On a slightly different topic. One of my... friends, I guess, whom I call fondly as Idiot or guitar-kid, is the kindest guy... no, thats too little, person I think I have ever met. And now I am confused. Because I think I am a bad person. And, lest say everyone is reborn, and their lives are shaped by their actions in their past lives. So, if I am a bad person, who has done bad things, why would I get to meet such a wholly good person? And I don't believe in 2nd chances- people never change- so that is why I am confused. I don't know. Ever since I have met him, among other friends, who are good, good people, I don't know. If karma exists, then why do I deserve this? I am not a good person, so why do I deserve to know good good people? Maybe this is my punishment. To be confused, and want what I never can have. Because, I am truly in Hell. The descent into Hell is easy.
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